Ladies. The most worrisome situation I can think of – and I see it much more often than I would like – is when a man cannot get over your money. Picture this: You are in a cafe, having coffee with a friend. Two tables away you see a stylish woman seated across from an uncomfortable man. It’s not the fact that she’s looking at the check and reaching for her wallet, it’s that he is shifting in his crumpled suit, wiping his sweaty hands on his leg as he makes up an excuse. It is uncomfortable just watching him. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? Let’s go over the five signs that you are dating an insecure guy.
As women we have to remember that men do not express themselves as eloquently as we do. When we are insecure, we talk – to friends, our mother, the man in our life – but when something is going wrong men do not talk. They shut down. When you talk about money, mention your family or job, tell him what you did today… is your man even replying or is he sitting there like an immovable rock?
Next, he starts asking what it costs. Believe me, I’ve seen this one before. At first it might be morbid curiosity about the things he can’t buy for you himself, but then he starts commenting. “You bought a watch? I would have sent my niece to college with that kind of money.” Absolutely yes, money can buy a lot of things. Still, money is NOT the reason you are with him and what is with the back-handed comments?
So your man has it in his head that he is not good enough. While this thought may cross your mind sometimes, believe me when I say that he is thinking about it a lot. He has this idea buzzing around him that he’s the man, so why isn’t he the one bringing home the bacon? Men don’t like feeling second-class. More importantly they are not used to it. And the only way they know how to boost their ego back up is to cut yours down. If your man relishes telling you (or showing you) when he’s right, stronger or even better at changing a lightbulb, ding ding ding! He’s insecure.
Everyone feels insecure sometimes, but don’t forget that insecurity can lead to ugly things. Perhaps it’s gone past passive aggressive comments and muscling around the issue. Long enough, and he may start to see you as his dollar sign. Loudly telling his friends, “She’s loaded, I’m a baller!” When you go out for lunch with friends, does he volunteer your money? “Oh don’t worry, she’ll pay.” Let’s not let an insecure man like this into both your heart and checkbook.
Alright, so it’s time to take the bull by its horns. You may call him and say you need to talk. Though he’s avoiding it, you convince him to meet you in a cafe on his lunch break. This is the part where you remind him that you started dating in the first place because of his cheesy jokes and morning coffee, NOT your credit card. Perhaps he’s defensive, telling you about his working-class parents who couldn’t afford new clothes or Christmas to-dos. The point is that, point blank, if you ask him if your money upsets him and his answer is not a genuine, “No, should it,” then money may be the cause of those serious rifts in your love life.
Not to worry – the ocean can have choppy waves, too. I was insecure about my first day at work, but it hasn’t defined my entire career. Your man is insecure about your money or at least his lack of it. Okay! If he feels like a schoolboy, you are free to remind him why he is your man.
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